I would like a boy who wants to sit in the park and read a book to me
Or failing that, I would be equally happy with one who occasionally flashes a glance and a smile at me reading on the other side of the room while he’s playing Skyrim.
Really, it just would be very nice to have someone who knows what it’s like to lose yourself temporarily in another world - how would he understand my semi-permanent state of head-in-the-clouds otherwise?
Knowledge.
We take ourselves so seriously.
Our tiny lives, our comfortable sphere of influence.
I’m no gamer, but the worlds behind games are fascinating.
Assassin’s Creed 2, however historically inaccurate, is thrown right in the middle of the intrigues and secrets of the Medici-Borgia struggle for power.
If it used to happen in the Renaissance, why wouldn’t it be happening now?
Maybe people have simply become more proficient at hiding all out feuds behind technology and wealth.
Sometimes I wonder if this is the key to understanding the balance of power in the world - not politicians and the UN, but where the money flows.
Because I would like to know.
As a citizen of the world, and as someone with a conscience.
But how would I, a tiny nobody, ever know about such things?
And with such knowledge carries danger because knowledge truly is power.
I would like to know, all the same.
Because I don’t believe that money alone should move mountains.
And because I also believe that tiny people working together can change the direction of the future.
Stop missing opportunity.
Halley’s Comet comes close to Earth every 75-76 years.
Other comets, once every few thousand years.
Sometimes you don’t get a second chance.
I missed something yesterday, and I’m left wondering what exactly I missed out on.
I had a choice.
If I had chosen the right one, I might possibly have found the answer to a question I’ve been asking for months.
Now I’m kicking myself because out of tiredness, I decided to close both eyes and give in to the arms of a lover with no love to give.
There are consequences to every choice, but I’ve never faced up to it in such a direct and brutal manner.
This is what I will do:
Stop being melodramatic. Move on.
Don’t wonder.
As countless well-meaning people have laid upon me over the years:
If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it isn’t meant to be.
Thanks Captain Obvious, I’ll find my way. Or it will find me.
Laws of attraction.
Scientists still have nothing more substantial than a theory about how gravity works. All they know is that certain things of certain masses and densities exert a pull on each other that keeps them at certain distances with each other.
In space, gravity is the only things keeping galaxies from pulling apart and floating away into who knows what.
There are certain people I keep orbiting.
Certain things about them that I can’t quite put my finger on keep me close.
The question I find myself asking is what part of that orbit is natural?
Because unlike planets, humans create their own sense of attraction.
There are people I haven’t been able to shake despite sparse concrete evidence supporting a meaningful connection.
Does that indicate a possibility of something real, or simply a human reluctance to let things float away into who knows what?
Or maybe it doesn’t matter.
Stars and planets evolve. Their gravitational pulls change.
Galaxies are slowly but surely growing further from each other.
If you’re not getting closer on a collision course, you’re pulling further apart to places you’re unlikely to ever meet again.
You never stand still.
And because no one does, you’ll always eventually find out which of the two options above you’re going to get.
(via lawsofmodernwoman)
Intimacy.
It feels like I’ve blogged about this in multiple shapes and sizes over and over again.
It’s like an addiction, one I can’t shake.
In a place over-saturated with sex, it’s the completely innocent little things that draw me in.
The languid arm around the shoulders, the kiss on the forehead, the subconscious lean-in towards each other.
It’s knowing each other in a place so comfortable that silence is appropriate.
It’s small gestures that tells the other person that right where they are is where they should be.
And it’s beyond dangerous because it’s knowing the ins and outs of someone else, and having their life get tied up inextricably with yours - but if it’s the wrong person, you never quite get the whole of yourself back.
But I do it, we do it anyway, because there’s always that hope that the next one will turn out to be the right one.
Tenderness.
Some days the world seems to have an overload of everything.
Too brash, too loud, too over-the-top.
These are the days I long for a tiny bit of tenderness.
For someone else to quietly acknowledge that you’re being suffocated by the amount of stuff that clogs up life.
Because not everyone needs romantic overtures and public announcements of love.
Sometimes all you need is someone to ask ‘how are you?’, to pat you on the head and let you know that they’re there.
And I’m thankful for the people in my life who do that for me.
You don’t need many, but you need them to fiercely cheer you on.
How long has it been since someone touched a part of you other than your body?
To dress entirely in Haider Ackermann, all day, everyday.
This man has perfected the art of structure, draping, casual chic, nomad hermit, officewear slouch.. I could go on and on.
His fabrics are lush, his styling impeccable.
My new wardrobe aim is half dressing gown, half boardroom chic.
Like Hugh Hefner, but much, much classier.
To see ourselves with clear eyes.
The easiest way for girls to break themselves down is to base their self-confidence on the perceptions of others.
And you may read this and think ‘oh, what a teenage thing to say’.
Untrue. Most young women I know are plagued with insecurity in some shape or form, some worse than others. And to write it off as teenage behavior perpetuates their lack of love for themselves.
And these insecurities aren’t floaty, ‘all in your head’ ideas, no way.
They’ve caused me to do countless things that I now regret.
To look for safety in places that only offer far poorer substitutes.
I’m not sure I could even remember all the boys I’ve used to give me a temporary sense of attractiveness.
Clear eyes.
This is what a lady I respect greatly told me recently:
There is no one like you in this world. You are beautiful in your own right.
I would say the same thing about every single one of my girlfriends.
Because we so often base our perception of our beauty on what boys think of us, and we tear our hearts to shreds when they don’t think of us in the way we want them to.
When did beauty become defined by opinions?
Does a rose stop being gorgeous simply because one person doesn’t like the colour?
So this is where I am.
I’m a seriously socially awkward person who cannot talk to people I admire, an absolute nerd about fashion, I constantly lose myself in my own head, and I have an embarassingly loud laugh that causes strangers on the street to turn and stare (true story).
And I claim that. I will not be any less than I am to please someone else.
This is my hope - for more girls to see themselves with clear eyes.
To know their strengths and build on it.
To know their weaknesses and not be afraid to admit it and ask for help.
And above all, to love themselves.
“There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in proportion.”
- Edgar Allan Poe
Peace.
People try all sorts of things to try to attain peace.
Meditation. Yoga. Spirit guides. Miscellaneous other things too numerous to name.
Why is it so elusive?
Sometimes I think it’s simple.
People look for peace when they’re confused, when they’re hurting, when they need help.
This is what I’ve found: peace comes with knowing who you are where you’re going.
It’s that simple.
Because it could be pouring down with storms in your life, but it won’t matter - you know which road you have to follow, and you stick to it.
No uncertainty, no wavering.
But then this is the hard part - the journey towards finding out who you are and where you’re going.
It still beats being a rudderless ship all your life by far.
